I knew it was over between Chris and me. I never wanted my husband to disrespect me so badly and leave me in an airport and yet, I still wanted Chris! What was wrong with me? I just felt so sad that I couldn’t make it work out and that I would have to get back out there and date again.
And then I got angry. There had to be a better way to find love. Something based on facts. I had to know, “What was I doing wrong?”
At first, I looked at “relationship experts.” I read the book, "The Rules," which was all about being more feminine, mysterious, and never asking about how a guy felt about you or where the relationship was headed. Let him lead, and eventually he will ask you for marriage. Men like to pursue you, not the other way around.
This advice made me feel very sad and somehow smaller, like wearing a jacket two sizes too small. Did I really need to play such games and trick him into liking me?
Next, I bought "Attract Him Now” videos. These videos focused on understanding the male mind and exactly what a woman needs to say to get his heart to melt. The guy giving the class reminded me of Chris and he even admitted to being a “former” player. Again, following this advice made me feel inauthentic. If I copied this guru’s text, wasn’t my date just falling in love with the guru and not me?